Left Field

I can't sleep.  I just got back from the animal hospital with Doodoo and I can't sleep.

I have words swimming around in my head that keep me awake. 

Old Fracture
Enlarged Kidney
Mass
Fluid
Amputation
Pain
Metastasized
Biopsy
Cancer

I thought he had a bladder infection.

It's amazing what a full body scan will show you. 

Like necrosis in the hip caused by an old fracture. 

Like the fact that my baby has been in pain all this time and I didn't know it.

It shows you all the evidence that points to a cancer that started at the necrosis and then metastasized to the heart, lungs, and kidneys. 

No diagonsis.  A biopsy would be needed for that.  But, before a biopsby - amputation from the hip down.

But, the look on the doctor's face told me everything.

He gave me pain meds, antibiotics, and an enema.  An enema because on top of everything else, he was impacted which would explain the chronic diarrhea since the day we found him.

That body scan.  Doesn't miss a thing.

My regular vet doesn't do body scans and cats don't let on that they have pain. 

But, today I noticed that he could only walk a litte while before he'd have to lie down.  Up until today, he seemed perfectly fine. 

Necrosis.

I rushed him to the hospital.  1 1/2 hours of tests...

I wanted to ask the doctor that if the mass and organ inflammation turned out to be cancer, would it be treatable. 

But, I just nodded my head while he pointed his pen at the mass on the screen because the words would not come.

Do you see this here?

Nod.

Do you see how large this is?

Nod.

Do you understand?

Nod.

He asked me to take Dewey back in 2 months...to see if the antibiotics made a difference.  If not, then he'd like to amputate to see if the mass and the inflammation are cancer.  I'll have to ask the following questions: "If it looks like cancer and has all the tell tale signs of cancer, what else could it be?" and "If it's cancer, can it be treated?" 

Should I have my cat amputated only to find out that he has cancer in his lungs, kidneys, and heart that cannot be treated?

I don't want to cause more pain than he's already had to endure...especially if nothing can be done. 

"The necrosis itself is painless.  The cancer, however, would be excruciatingly painful", he said.

He's a doctor, not a poet.

I have two months. 

When I make the bed to go to sleep, he'll play with the sheets like normal.  He'll attack my feet at night.  He'll wake me up early to feed him. 

Two months.

Life.  She's a bitch sometimes.