Wowey Wowey Wow...

*sigh* Hello hot copier guy, I've missed you.

Ick

After my grandmother died, I stopped caring about school. I've always known this but I've never stopped to really consider it until now. No matter how old one gets, I don't think that our need for our parents never really goes away. The truth is that I still needed my grandparents, who raised me from birth, as a 19 yr old. When my grandmother died after my grandfather, I felt completely alone. I mean this when I say it: They were the only people that loved me unconditionally at the time. Once my grandmother died the feeling that I belonged somewhere vanished and I've been floating around ever since. I think this may be the true reason that I'm afraid to love. This might be the reason I try to preempt the hurt I might experience at the hand of others by hurting them first. The truth is, I still feel alone sometimes. I miss them everyday. Sometimes, I fantasize of what life might be like if they were still here. I know I'm supposed to move on but I wish with my grandparents were still here. I HATE that they're gone and I HATE that I can't ask them all the questions about life that I've accumulated all these years. If I could have just one more day with them, I'd let them do all the talking. I really would.

Mwua Mwua...

I know we're in a recession, puta. I know everyone's hurting. But, I'm still disappointed that our final total for UW giving will be much lower this year than last year. Oh well...

Tomorrow's Rosh Hashanah, my first as an official Jew! I'm stopping by HEB on the way home for a round loaf of Challah and some apples :) We're gonna have a quiet dinner at home, then go to the late Erev service tomorrow night...then it's off to Dick's Last Resort for drinks? Wait a minute, when did that sneak into the picture? It'll be fun. I can't wait.

So, turns out, Stephen did take the dog out yesterday...she had the shits from eating a new treat that's supposed to clean her teeth...it cleaned something else though...her colon...all over the carpet...in various places...one dog and no cup.

I tell you, the joys of dog ownership...personally I prefer cats, which is a whole 'nother blog...stay tuned.

Motherfucker!

The dog just pooed the carpet. I took her out and she pooed a huge load and then I bring her back in and she poos a huge load again...why wasn't she taken out all fucking day? Where the hell was Stephen? Now, the poor dog thinks she's in trouble...she confided in me. I assured her that if Stephen yells at her I'm going to tear his balls off with my bare hands...she believed me.

What has come over me...

I feel very poetic today and my mind is somewhere in New Mexico...I get this way sometimes....

I'll jump from a high mesa and
Be carried away on the wings
Of a cool New Mexican breeze
In the early fall at sunset

I'll flow through mountain crags
And soar over the plain's expanse
I'll land in a warm artist's heart
And be laid to rest in vivid colors
On soft white sheets of canvas

Earl Grey...I owe you one

Okay, so I feel better now after eating lunch and having a cup of Earl Grey...I went to Whole Foods and bought some Brie and I'm having with some apples for dessert...yum. I'm almost caught up with my Anthropology lecture notes and the litter box is clean...I figured I'd better get something done or I'll feel worse at the end of the day....

What the hell AM I doing here?!?!?

So a while back the bf and I had a conversation about how we can't hope to fix the relationship unless we're both working on our issues...with therapists...

The bf thought that he didn't need counseling and that the relationship problems are what make him act like a complete asshole sometimes (granted I do to, but I own it....I really do).

Now, it's been over a month and he hasn't made an appointment and after much coaxing and arguing and crying he's going to make an appointment on Monday...but I'm left with a very disturbing question. Why the hell have I gone through so much effort to make him do something that he really doesn't want to do? And, what the hell makes me think that the counseling is really going to make a difference when he's going against his will? And, the even greater question which right now I cannot bear to address is what it means that he doesn't feel the need to go and that he's never going to go of his own volition?

We've been arguing about this since yesterday and I'm completely exhausted. I have to study for a test tomorrow, the litter box needs to be cleaned, I need to go grocery shopping, and I'm hungry...but all I feel like doing is locking myself up in the closet and never coming out again.

Details? What Details?

A wise person once said, "The devil is in the details" I think it was Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada but I'm not 100% sure on that.

She was right.

We had a 1960's themed party at work today for our employees to encourage them to donate to the United Way. We're not picky, we just want 100% participation...just give...anything...monetary...or I'll cut you. Seriously, me and 10 of my relatives will show up at an employee's house that refuses to give...we call it "Pinche Persuasion". Works everytime.

So as I was saying, we have this party and this year (and the 2 years before it), I've been in charge of planning it. Every year I'm taken aback by the sheer number of minute details that I overlook. Stuff just gets by me. Thank goodness for K and her almost obsessive eye for detail and for everyone else that pitched in with out bitching...except for M who always bitches a little bit.

Now, I'm exhausted and I'm going to have to drag my reluctant ass to the dining room table to study physical anthropology. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

Slo Nastee...

It was suggested to me that I try blogging about my day every day...so here goes...

Day 1

OMG, I feel like Amy Adams in Julie and Julia but with a cuter boyfriend! So today was pretty unremarkable except for one major thing....Moman is no more. I don't know if I've explained Moman in this blog before. Have I? No? Okay, so there's this coworker of mine that is my equal in the her utter randomness....she even gives me a run for my money sometimes.

Sometimes.

Last Sunday, we went bike riding together and it just so happens that said coworket is kind of slow on her bike. Now, normally, I probably wouldn't have felt compelled to bring it up except for the fact that she kept yelling (behind me the whole time, mind you) that we needed to train for speed and that we shouldn't go so slow....yea. So when I decided to gun it (because you can do that on a bike, you know) I left her eating my dust. I found this to be extremely funny. She didn't. And, when I brought it up during lunch the next day she got mad at me and cut the lunch short. Finally, today, while we were talking about the upcoming United Way campaign we had another blow out and tensions came to a head....the random ball of silly cuteness that was Moman is no more....and out of his/her ashes there came a low rumble. Behold, SLO NASTEE!

That's right, bitches, hide the menfolk...'cause we's coming to get 'em!