To Tata

I lit a Yahrtzeit candle for my grandfather today. It's a Jewish tradition to light one on the anniversary of a loved one's death. I lit one for my grandmother in May, the first time I lit a Yahrzeit candle as a Jew. Jewish tradition places great importance in remembering those that have blessed our lives. In doing so, we prepetuate that person's life within the realm of our own. I personally don't believe in a consciousness after death. But, I do believe that we live on in the hearts and lives of those we love and those who loved us. So, I wanted to remember my grandfather today by lighting the candle and eating some watermelon with a little salt :) But, I also wanted to write down some of the memories I hold on to about him.

Sometimes, I think of how lucky some of my friends are because their parents are still alive. I guess I should mention here that I was raised by my grandparents since I was a newborn. I think of how nice it must be to have that spirit of nurture, unconditional love, and tenderness as a protective canopy over their lives. I wish in those moments, that I rarely allow myself, that my grandparents were still here and I could still go to them when I was afraid, sad, or confused. However, something of that love remains with me in the memories I carry of them. Concerning my grandfather, here are a few things I remember.

It was my grandfather who was present at every recital, game, concert, or special event that I ever had. He never missed one. And, no matter how badly I did, he was genuinely proud of me. He believed I could do anything I wanted to do. Sometimes, I still need to remember that. It was my grandfather who took in illegal migrant workers and their families on more than one occasion, even against my granfmother's wishes, and helped them find places to live in Lamesa. And, it was my grandfather, who always defended my wayward mother and who saw past her shattered life to who she really was.

I should hope to emulate my grandfather. I should hope to be half the man he was. But, today, I just want to remember him, to give my grandfather life beyond his death.